Tuesday, June 23, 2009

on my mind.

these are the things i'm thinking about right now:

john and kate are getting divorced. malcom gladwell and his smart friends saw this coming years ago. if you don't know what i am talking about, then do yourself a favor and go buy the following three books: "tipping point," "blink," and "outliers." in "blink," gladwell tells about some psychologists who can look at married people and within 15 minutes be able to predict with over 85% accuracy whether this couple will last. it's called thin-slicing and it's fascinating. of course when it comes to the dominating demon that is kate matched with the passive pansy john, it's not that hard to see. in reality, i'm sad about this because divorce is sad. divorce is tragic. i don't watch the show and i don't know much about it, but when you cut through the gossip-column celebrity obsession b.s., it's a sad thing when two people decide that they can't live with one another anymore. i wish it didn't happen to people, and i pray to God everyday that it doesn't happen to heidi and i.

yes, i know that they are making a "where the wild things are" movie. yes, i'm excited about it. that book was my favorite as a child and obviously i have a big enough connection with it to defile myself with a tattoo of it's images. but i swear that if another stranger asks to see my arm, and then makes some sort of comment about the forthcoming movie i am going to start firing shots into the crowd (yes, i carry a firearm at all times). i like spike jonze a lot (director) but think david eggers is a tool (screenwriter). will i be there opening night? yes i will.

people who know me, or any male born between 1976 and 1985 have been asking me if i am excited about the upcoming GIJOE movie. my answer is that i am not. mostly, i just don't pay attention to movies because i never go to see them, but also, i don't trust hollywood. i didn't see transformers because i didn't think it would be as good as the old cartoon with the sweet metal theme song. i refuse to watch 99% of the remakes that are made each year because frankly, i just can't support these money-making ploys that prey upon our collective nostalgia.

slow sports season right now. i need something to happen to spice it up. i'm hoping that "brett favre orders a steak at outback - considers retiring from retirement" scrolls across the ticker on espn just so i have something to complain about.

wait? brett favre is in the news every day because he's debating another return to football this year? this is really happening again? and some people still think that he's not the biggest turd to ever put on a helmet? i don't believe it. kevin and i have been telling you people for years to quit supporting this guy. don't say we didn't warn you.

kevin and i are so smart. (and yes kevin, "american history x" is a very good movie. but you knew that because you're almost as smart as i am).

i'm not angry. i realize that all of my comments so far have come across as condescending and vehement, but in reality, i'm in a really good mood. an unexpected date with heidi tonight afforded me some good talks, beer and comet's jerk tofu burrito, so how could i be in a poor mood? that would be silly.

one month from today i will head up to chicago to catch a cubs-reds game at wrigley with kevin. this is going to be the best. i will tweet/facebook/blog all about it.

just watched season 1 of "the wire" again this past week. if you haven't watched this show by now then we can just stop being friends and go our separate ways. i'm telling you that if you give it a chance and watch it that you will lose your damn mind. i watched some of the commentaries this time too, and can tell you that i am completely convinced that this was the smartest and most well-done show ever made. just watch it. you have no excuse. i'm going to get on facebook and see if they have a "which 'the wire' character are you?" i hope i'm bunk.

my fears have been confirmed. facebook has robbed my creative ingenuity by stealing the everyday thoughts that i usually collect and collaborate into a fine blog each week for your reading pleasure.

i'm concerned that the annual camping trip isn't going to happen. am i in charge of this thing? why is nobody asking me about it? is anybody still on board with this thing?

listened to a message today called "just do something" by this guy deyoung. it was motivating and convicting. i could be doing a lot more with my life if i just left the house and started something without thinking through all the possible ways that it could fail. malcom gladwell would be so disappointed in me, especially since i was born in april and should be much more successful than i am. jimmy mcnulty didn't think about all bad stuff that would happen if he went after the baltimore drug game without reserve. he just did it. and so should i.

did i mention that you should read malcom gladwell's books?

did i mention that you should watch "the wire?"

what are you waiting for? we could have so much more to talk about if you would just do something...

(see how i just tied all those things together like that? i'm good.)

Friday, June 12, 2009

regrettably yours,

it's been awhile. i missed you too.

i'm back with a list of regrets for your reading pleasure. some ideas might be repeats, but in all honesty, what blog of mine is not a repeat of previous posts? i don't have any new ideas. i don't have anything new to say. and when i do think of something to say, i waste it on a facebook update.

+ in 1992 i traded a TOPPS mark mcgwire rookie card to my neighbor for a 1986 TOPPS jose uribe (R.I.P.) card with a pushpin hole in the upper left-hand corner. i agreed to this trade because the giants (whom uribe played for) were my favorite baseball team and i didn't care about the monetary value of baseball cards - i only cared to collect cards of the players who wore the uniform of my favorite team. in hindsight, mcgwire ruined his legacy by using steroids and both cards are probably worth less than 3 cents today. the regret lies in the fact that i am terrible when it comes to savvy investments and money-making ventures, and i believe that this terrible trade most-clearly exemplifies this inadequacy in my life. i don't have stocks and i've never made any considerable amount of money in any arena of life. if i would have made a better trade with my neighbor, perhaps i would have gained confidence and invested in google during the early stages. perhaps i would have played the lottery just once in my life and won millions. maybe i would have bought and sold real estate during the height of the housing market. in this economy, it seems that everyone is in the same boat as me now, but the difference is that others will eventually make money when things turn around, but i will still be trading away my all star cards for utility players who bat below the mendoza line (figuratively, of course).

+ my first car was a 1988 acura integra. i bought the car just before i went to college in 1998. the car was pretty much a piece of junk, but my regret is for something much more egregious. hanging from the rearview mirror of my first car was a set of large, white fuzzy dice. in my defense, i did not purchase them (i took them from my roommate) and the hanging of the dice was a tribute to the song "the land of racecar ya yas" by cake. in the song, there is a line that states "where large fuzzy dice, still hang proudly, like testicles from rearview mirrors." i thought that was pretty funny, and still do, but as i look in the rearview mirror of my life, i regret seeing fuzzy dice in my wake.

i do not regret the less than jake bumper sticker that i slapped on the back of the same car.

+ picking the oakland A's as my dark horse team for the '09 baseball season. the pick is looking slightly less abhorrent recently (8-2 in last 10) and at least i didn't pick the royals (sorry kevin), but i could have, and should have done better.

+ i should have obtained my teaching certification when i was completing my undergrad. instead i took on some loans and got an MA in theology that earns me serious bucks now... i don't regret getting that degree, but as i search ways to get into the teaching field (something i've always wanted to do) ten years later, i realize i could have saved myself a lot of trouble if i just took care of it back then.

+ myspace. everybody was doing it, and it's not the worst thing in the world, but having a myspace account now feels as silly as hammer pants, feathered hair, slap bracelets and reebok pumps. what happened myspace? i checked my account the other day for the first time in weeks and it was like a ghost town over there. myspace used to be the hot new nightclub that people waited in line for hours to get into, but then this flashy new club called 'facebook' opened up across town and is now just days away from having the electricity shut off and the liquor license revoked. myspace users are like 45 year-old recently-divorced guys with hair plugs still hanging out at the old club scanning for drunk chicks to impress with a line like, "you see that mazda miata out front... yeah, that's mine."

+ as american history x is showing on television now, i can say with full confidence that i do not regret never getting involved in any sort of neo-nazi, hitler youth movement. recently my wife tore down letters posted around the town of florence that were posted on telephone poles to communicate that the good (white) citizens of florence need to wake up, rise up, and rage against the minorities that are living in this city. the hate in this letter is excruciating and filthy. i want to fight it somehow, but i'm not sure how without getting bricks thrown through my window and death threats. ignorance is retarded.

+ tattoos. i'm not old and wrinkled yet, but we all know that it's coming and permanent ink on my body of religious symbols, children's literature and drawings done by six year-olds will not look good in 30 years. heck, they don't look that good now. fortunately i do not have to regret swastikas and d.o.c, tattoos on my body, so at least i have that going for me.

+ i had a chance to buy a motorcycle for really cheap in 2000. it was a nice bike and i got my license in preparation for the purchase, but at the last minute i backed out. my parents and girlfriend at the time played the biggest role in ruining my fun. thanks a lot. sometimes i think about how cool i would have been riding around on my bike. sometimes i think about the likelihood that i would have crashed and burned and ended up paralyzed or skinless. but mostly i think about how cool it would have been.

+ when i got older, and it wasn't cool to play with toys anymore, my friends and i destructed my GIJOES through various acts of destruction and basic tom-foolery. explosions, falls from a great height, and general dismantling (we thought it was funny to mix the parts of the figures up - like putting GI jane's legs on snake eyes' body with the head of sgt. slaughter). i wish my GIJOE collection was ready to be given to my first-born son one day. he's going to be as mad at me as i was at my dad when i found out that he threw out all his old comics and baseball cards.

+ brian, i wouldn't regret you.

+ i regret not posting a blog for 2+ weeks. you deserve better than this.