Saturday, August 15, 2009

remembering "the king of pop" (or not)

it's 1:39 on a saturday afternoon, which can only mean one thing: somewhere there is a michael jackson retrospective special on tv.

the reason for my extended absence from this blog was a conscious decision to not post until the media settled down with it's MJ coverage, but since that doesn't seem to be happening anytime soon, i guess i'll figure out some way to waste our collective time.

break the silence.

+++ the other day a one of my clients (an 11-year old boy) said, "for your FYI..."

this is brilliant, and lead me to think of some other great statements:

- "by the BTW..."
- "my estimated ETA is..."
- "what the WTF?"
- "oh my OMG!"
- "thank God it's TGIF"
- "too much TMI"

feel free to drop some of these gems in everyday conversation and be the envy of all your friends.

and if you are interested, a comprehensive list of internet-style slang can be found here.

+++ after watching 2.5 minutes of Keeping up with the Kardashians, i'm ready to exterminate the entire human race. we've had a good run, but i'm pretty sure primates, earthworms, and giraffes would demonstrate more dignity and intelligence at this point.

+++ last night my friends kenny, shorty and i were deliberating whether or not to go out following the atrocity that was the reds-nationals game. as we stood in kenny's driveway, we allowed a coin flip to decide our fate. the quarter landed on tails and we all went home. shorty joked that we should have called kevin to tell us what to do, and we agreed this would have been a better solution than our coin flip. the reason i tell this story is to illustrate the inability of three grown men to make a simple decision. embarrassing.

+++ speaking of the reds' game, adam dunn is looking leaner than in his cincinnati days. do they not have Waffle Houses in D.C.?

+++ Rio Bravo is better than Bladerunner.

+++ in reviewing what i have written so far, it is evident that i have no regard for the rules of capitalization. i'm a rebel when it comes to punctuation and grammar. i do whatever i want in part because i want to, but mostly because i am lazy.

+++ i was terrified earlier this week when i saw a headline that read: "heidi poses in playboy." thankfully, it was not my wife.

(i found this out from reading the rest of the article, not from looking at playboy.)

+++ speaking of heidi (my wife, not the wench of MTV's The Hills fame)... she baked up some pizzas earlier this week that would make your knees weak. have i ever mentioned how fortunate i am to be married to this woman? right now there is approximately 86k calories of cookie in our kitchen.

+++ heidi also got a haircut recently and now has bangs again. i would post a picture, but if you want to see her, you'll have to come visit us. this point did not need to be included, but i want it published on the world wide web how attractive she is.

+++ and that concludes the "heidi is great" segment of this blog. tune in next time as i wax poetically about heidi's dancing, singing and parallel parking skills.

+++ The Wire, even the second time through, is absolutely perfect. i wish 'bunny' colvin was my grandfather. he's good po-lice

+++ pete and heather asked me to be an usher for their upcoming wedding. although they were unaware at the time, i informed them of my extensive ushering and groomsmen experience in order to calm any anxiety they might have regarding my ability to fulfill this important task. for example, in the last wedding i worked, the bride's grandmother, mother and a bridesmaid were all walked down the aisle by yours truly. that's three trips up without a single incident, and three more ladies who can speak to my professional, yet fun-loving approach to the wedding performance business. i'm available for hire and am listed in the yellow pages under Gigolos (it was the best i could think of).

+++ i already mowed the lawn and washed the dishes, so don't judge me for the excessive amount of time i wasted on writing down these thoughts.