Friday, November 21, 2008

the world has turned and left me here

the mcrib is back. i could talk about this at great length, but i won't.

the world has passed me by.

i used to be fresh on the scene. on the up-and-up. i used to know things. i took pride in the fact that i loved such-and-such band and you didn't even know who they were yet (and by the time you did know who were they were, i would have already moved on because i'm always one step ahead of you.)

i love pop culture. it fascinates me. but it's getting to the point where i'm the old guy in the pool with all the kids and the moms on the sidelines are surveying my every move to make sure i don't make off with their child.

why don't i just go ahead and make a list of the reasons why i feel like an old man (old men make lists, so this exercise is fitting):

+ i couldn't tell you the last new album i bought, movie i saw or book i read. i'm reading the bible right now, and that's been around for a bit

+ i don't have a facebook. i've never been on facebook. i can only imagine that facebook is just another form of myspace and i can't see the reason to have the same friends who talk about the same thing on another social networking site. i can only handle so much. speaking of myspace...

+ myspace seems strange and foreign to me. nobody leaves me comments or writes me messages, and needless to say, i don't do it for them (i'm more of a 'reply' kind of guy).

+ i haven't been to a show in i-don't-know-how-long. if i did go, i would stand in the back.

+ i am wearing the same jeans, chuck taylors, american apparel t shirts and hoodies that i bought three or four years ago. i have nothing new. nothing exciting. i bought work shirts the other day: four long sleeve, button up, striped or plaid shirts that i could wear to work each day. 5 years from now will i still be wearing skinny jeans? or will i follow in the footsteps of my father and buy kirkland jeans at costco paired with an over-sized, un-tucked shirt to hide the spare tire that sits above the belt that is fastened through last hole?

+ i hardly ever see midnight.

+ i always see 7:00 am

+ i listen to talk radio. espn or npr. i just like to hear people talk when i am driving. if it's not talk radio, then it is probably a sermon i downloaded.

+ i still don't know what is so special about a blackberry or other high-tech cellular phone device. i know how to make/receive calls and text. if you ask me, i don't need my phone to do anything else.

+ on most nights, i'd just assume stay at home, because going out just seems like a hassle.

+ i don't recover like i used to. it takes more time and more effort.

+ i think that i watch the television at a much higher volume level than i used to, but i'm not sure. it sounds about the same.

+ i don't know what celebrity or hip new artist name to insert into the "i don't even know who _______________ is" statement.

+ i've started to make jokes that sound an awful lot like the jokes my dad used to make to which i would reply (inwardly or outwardly), "that's not funny." i think these jokes are hilarious, but you probably would not.

there's much more that could be listed here, but for the sake of my sanity, i'll quit while i'm ahead. i could talk about the gray hairs that are popping up above my ears, or the hairline that i swear is receding ever-so-slightly. i could talk about how the lbs don't shed the way they used to. but i'm not going to talk about that.

in the words of weezer (again. not sure why i'm defaulting there today): "i don't want to be an old man anymore..."

you may be thinking, "justin, why do you complain so much? are you miserable?"

of course not. i'm actually extremely content. i have the best wife ever. fortunately for me, she is several years younger than me, so while i grow old and incompetent, i still get to walk around with a pretty lady on my arm. sure, i'm not as cool as i once thought i was, but i'm ok with that. i look at guys like my dad, and captain carl and they are the coolest guys i know. maybe they don't wear cool clothes, get their haircut at fantastic sams, or like any bands that formed after 1983, but that's fine. they know who they are. and that's pretty cool (suddenly this post has become some sort of after school special/public announcement/afternoon talk show. let's bring in montell to give us an inspiring message of hope. better yet, allow me to quote president-elect barak obama: 'yes we can...').

let's let weezer wrap this one up for us - "if you want to destory my sweater, pull this thread as i walk away." (it's relevant... somehow... maybe not.)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

observations '08

the election happened yesterday. apparently this is a big deal. i have a few observations - some related and others completely off-topic.

+ people are super-excited. what would have happened if mccain actually won? what would that have looked like? it would have been like waking up on christmas morning only to find that there were no presents under the tree, and while you're at it, no tree at all. i think i read about this somewhere, i believe it was "the grinch who stole the christmas."

+ just so we're completely clear on this, john mccain would have played the part of the grinch in this scenario.

+ i voted at an elementary school yesterday morning. because of this act, i received a free tall coffee from starbucks. i later found out that because of voting laws, starbucks could not have denied me a free coffee. so why did i vote?

+ i love the latest round of glade commercials. you've either seen them or you haven't, but as a quick summary, this midlife housewife tries really hard to hide the use of glade products from her friends. sometimes she tries to pronounce it with an accent, another time she attempts to place store-bought cookies on the counter to trick her friends into thinking that the delicious smell in the air is the result of her fresh-baked goods. needless to say, she always gets caught and i suppose the message is this, "it's embarrassing to buy our product, but if you want your stuff to smell good, you should just do it."

+ andy katz (national college basketball writer for espn) played basketball with obama and his crew yesterday morning. he talked about this with every espn radio personality today. i thought about what it would be like to play basketball with the president? from katz's description of the president's play, he sounds a lot like a "chucker."

+ nebraska doesn't have a winner-take-all system in place for the electoral college. can you tell me why this is? i don't get this whole process of elections.

+ comedy central's "indecision '08:" well done mr. colbert and mr. stewart. well done.

+ am i the only one who is going to miss campaign commercials? everybody complains about their presence in life for a few weeks, but i have grown quite fond of them.

+ i know i'm not the only one (heidi has confirmed this) that voted for some people based on the commercials and signs on people's lawns. call me an uneducated-voter. call me uninformed. call me whatever you want, but that's the honest truth.

+ i hope that this is not the end of sarah palin. she's a riot. how can i get my hands on a "palin '12" bumper sticker?

+ i need to get my dog castrated. i'm serious. he is out-of-control. perhaps i can charge money for your readership of this blog. just send your check to the "chop off calvin's balls" fund c/o justin and heidi.

+ congratulations to barak obama. i'm not too sure what's going to happen or not happen, but you have to admit that it's an interesting time to be alive and that this has been a wild ride. 100k+ getting together for a rally on election night? that's just insane. how many people do you think would get together today for a george w. bush rally? i'd go. i like george. he's my favorite president since abraham lincoln.

+ speaking of lincoln, i dressed up as the 14th president for halloween and had a gay-ole time that evening. lincoln gets a lot of respect to this day from the bar-going public.

+ speaking of lincoln (part 2), i read a children's book about abe lincoln as an "animal lover" and we can thank the annual thanksgiving day tradition of a turkey pardon to honest abe. well done sir. well done.

+ looking forward to thanksgiving. one of the top 5 holidays of the calendar year.

+ trip coming up this weekend: the braggs go to the windy city. full report to come i'm sure (assuming something exciting happens (not too subtle hint to kevin to step it up and make it happen)).