Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Limits of Love

They say that love will make a man do crazy things.

How else would you explain why The Proclaimers would walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 miles more, just to be with a loved one. 500 miles is an incredible distance to walk, unless compared to the distance Forrest Gump covered during his 3 year, 2 month, 14 day and 16 hour run across The United States a few times.

The idea of love causing people to do crazy (read: stupid) things is well-chronicled in song, film, television, literature, and life.

According to researchers at the University of London, falling in love "causes serotonin levels in the brain to drop, causing obsession. Then it increases production of cortisol, a stress hormone that causes high blood pressure and potential loss of sleep. And to make matters worse, when we look at our new loves, the neural circuits that control social judgment are suppressed. Which explains why sometimes other people can see things we can't when we're 'blinded by love.'"

Yes, love makes people nuts.

Bruno Mars has a problem. Not only does he have a complete inability to record a song that isn't completely terrible, he is in an abusive relationship. He is in love with a crazy broad who doesn't appreciate the lengths to which he will go to show his love for her. Not only is Bruno "black and blue" from the physical beatings this woman routinely inflicts on him, but he also might have to "catch a grenade," "throw his hand on the blade," "jump in front of a train," and "take a bullet right through my brain" for this lady. I don't know where Bruno resides, but the dangers that he potentially faces seem very hazardous to his health. In my neighborhood, there is a potential to get mugged, stabbed, shot, or beat up, but I am not in imminent fear of having grenades thrown at me by Nazis, or being assailed by samurai-yielding ninjas. Perhaps Bruno lives in a rougher neighborhood than I do, but it is more likely that Bruno is living in some industrial-age, post-apocalyptic dimension where trains are still the primary mode of transport and travel.

The thing of it is, that Bruno knows better. As he says at the beginning, "Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss had your eyes wide open. Why was they open?" Not only is keeping one's eyes open during a kiss incredibly creepy, but it is indicative of poor moral fiber. How else can you explain a person who would watch another person "burn up in flames" if his "body was on fire."

I just don't think he is going to make it. While he successfully navigated a crew of mocking Latin gang members, a taunting homeless man, and disapproving clergy while pulling a piano, I just don't see this working out for the young man in the long run.

Bryan Adams was in love. Bryan was so into his girl, that "Everything" he did, he did it for her. That's some kind of love. Bryan also explored the lengths to which he would go for his love, and pronounced that not only would he fight for her, lie for her, walk the wire for her, but he would even die for her. While I have no idea what it means to "walk the wire" for someone, it seems like a considerable effort with real possibility of danger. What would possess Bryan Adams to declare intent to die for another human being? Once again, love is the culprit, and the cause of a lack of sound reasoning. Unlike Bruno, who seems destined for a life of pain, misery, and loneliness, we know that Bryan (Robin Hood, played by Kevin Costner) did get his girl (Maid Marion) and the two lived happily ever after surrounded by Little John and the rest of the merry men. Would Maid Marion have taken the bait if she wasn't sure of his resolve to die on her behalf? We'll never know, but everything seemed to work out for those two kids, despite Bryan's irrational state-of-mind.

Meatloaf would do "anything" for love. Think about the possibilities of where this could lead a young man. Would Meatloaf eat a jar of mayonnaise in one sitting for love? Would he cut off his own right foot for love? Might he grow huge man-boobs and sign up for an anarchist regime lead by a schizophrenic madmen wreaking havoc on capitalistic America?

Meatloaf, like Bryan and Bruno would do almost anything for love. Almost. Meatloaf would do anything for love, but he won't do that.

Let's consider some of the things that Meatloaf will do for love. He'd "run right into hell and back," He'll "never lie to you (and that's a fact!)." Some nights he loses "the feeling," and some nights he loses "control." But, "As long as the wheels are turning, As long as the fires are burning,As long as your prayers are coming true," he will continue do anything required for love.

Even when presented with specific requests from his girl, Meatloaf doesn't shy from announcing his intent to, "Do that."

Will he raise her up? Help her down? Help get her, "Right out of this Godforsaken town?" Will he make it a little less cold? He can do that!

Will he hold her sacred? Will he hold her tight? Can he colorize her life she's so sick of black and white? Can he make her a little less old? He can do that!

Will he make her some magic, with his own two hands? Can he build an Emerald city with these grains of sand? Can he give her something that she can take home? He can do that!

Will she cater to every fantasy that she's got? Will he hose her down with holy water - if she get's too hot? Will he take her to places that she's never known? He can do that!

But there are some things that he just won't do. He won't just think of this thing as a fling and move on. And he most certainly won't screw around. No, he won't do that!

What would possess Meatloaf to do all of this for love? How can he know that he will be there until the final act? What makes him so ready to take a vow and seal and pact?
It's for love, yes, but more specifically, Meatloaf will, "never forgive myself if we don't go all the way - Tonight."

So what it boils down to is that this guy will say anything to get in this girl's pants tonight. In fact, I question the "love" that any of these fellas has for their significant other. Maybe it's not "love" that makes a man bonkers, but the overwhelming desire to have sex with a woman, leading a rational person to conclude that the entire thing is rather dumb.