Friday, February 26, 2010

facing fears

it's been a big week for me.

for the first time in approximately 5 years, i went to the doctor.

if it wasn't for Teach for America making me go to the doctor for a physical and TB test, i would not have gone. my reason for not going to the doctor is two-fold: (1) it's a hassle and i don't like scheduling and attending appointments - it's too constraining and (2) my body takes care of itself.

as i sit here on the couch, suffering from a virus that is somewhere between bronchitis and pneumonia, i regret my decision not to report this illness to the physician that attended to me.

the inability to turn my neck more than 15 degrees combined with the lower back pain that sends shooting pain throughout my body every time i move is also a symptom i should have reported.

why didn't i tell the doctor about these infirmaries? that's a good question, and was the exact question my mother posed to me on the phone the other night. the answer is: i don't know. a sore neck and a runny nose didn't seem worthy of this doctor's time. he was too busy fondling my testicles and taking my pulse.

the trip to the doctor wasn't nearly as terrifying as i imagined it would be, which may lead to appointments with the optometrist and dentist. i haven't visited either of these professionals in the last several years, and according to my mom, this is a big problem (i didn't have the heart to tell her that i only floss once-a-month or so. she would be so disappointed).

a few quick thoughts to send you on your way.

+ set a trap to catch a mouse that has decided to make habitation in our kitchen. when i catch that little rodent, he's going to regret the day that he was born. if the trap doesn't work it might be the perfect time to test out the new shotgun.

+ it appears that the federal government wants me to pay them a considerable amount of money. we made almost exactly the same amount of money last year and everything is the same, but instead of giving me a little cash to spend, the government has decided to come after a lower-middle class social worker and a baker. i blame Obama.

+ the Olympics are all-at-once awesome and terrible. i couldn't care less about speed skating, curling, hockey or figure skating, but find myself watching pretty frequently.

i keep saying this to anyone who will listen: figure skating is the most difficult thing to do in all of sports. hitting a baseball, throwing a touchdown pass, driving a car at high speeds in a circle... all of these are very difficult, but none compare to the level of difficulty found in figure skating. i could devote my life to figure skating for the next decade, and i still wouldn't be able to turn left on ice skates.

+ baseball is coming.

spring training starts next week. opening day is just over a month away.

within the six weeks i expect to: participate in a fantasy baseball draft, attend the Reds Opening Day Parade (with Brian!), pick my annual "dark horse" team, get my baseball gloves and ball out with the hope that someone will play catch with me, and buy enough Big League Chew to fill a swimming pool. i love baseball.

+ watched a MSNBC documentary on Patty Hearst last weekend with my lovely wife. i couldn't pull away from this story. try to imagine what would happen if Paris Hilton was kidnapped and held hostage for 50 days, and then joined her kidnappers and went on a crime spree in the name of some misguided revolution. i can't even begin to imagine what this would look like in today's hypermedia culture. just fascinating.

Stockholm Syndrome is wild stuff.

+ i like that Heidi is writing blogs all the time now. she continues to be the most fascinating and delightful person that i have ever met.

Friday, February 19, 2010

a blog written solely for the purpose of having at least one published in the month of February (completed in less that 25 minutes)

+ Tiger Woods said "sorry" today and i'm not going to talk about it.

i'm not going to talk about it because my computer is a decade old and it can no longer support video content, so i cannot watch the 13.5 minutes that everyone is talking about.

+ i've been on twitter for almost a year now. my account started as a place where my friends and i could post fictitious statements to make fun of each other. for the month or so that we all actually followed through with this intent, it was a blast.

then we got bored, lazy and tired of making fun of the same things about one another's personality over and over again.

twitter is strange. at multiple times during the day i will read several posts by people about what they are doing. it's fascinating to have access to the lives and thoughts of people i will never meet.

through twitter i get notified of interesting articles to read and when podcasts of Bill Simmons go up online. that's helpful.

the rest of twitter is near-obnoxious reminders that a lot of other people are doing a lot of stuff that i am not.

*Bill Simmons is watching a dramatic conclusion to a thrilling basketball game.

*a great show is taking place in Chicago tonight.

*Chad OchoCinco is inviting everybody and their grandmother to eat with him at a cafe in Miami.

*Amazon has amazing deals on DVDs that i still cannot afford.

*a friend is drinking a rare beer and really enjoying it.

*check out this hilarious Youtube clip (again, i can't because of my geriatric computer).


you get the point. why do i subject myself to this? i don't know. this is the part of the blog where i am supposed to come to some profound conclusion or make a witty comment.

i got nothing.

+ i was reading Neitzche, "Beyond Good and Evil," the other day, and he theorizes that there are two types of morality that govern all people: slave and master.

Neitzche talked about people like the Christians, who have swam against the master morality and assumed a slave morality identity. instead of entitlement and power, they (we) subject themselves to everyone else and serve the greater good, rather than grabbing whatever power, pleasure and capital they can.

master morality types take whatever they can and think of themselves exclusively.

according to the commentary i have heard/read about Tiger Woods, up to this point he has operated under a master morality mindset, but has committed to pursing the slave morality lifestyle from this point forward.

(i included the last section only to inform the reader that i engaged in a philosophical and scholarly exercise recently. in fact, the only reason this blog will be posted is to notify you of this fact. you don't care, but i care that you know this. i don't know why.)

+ Heidi and i spent last weekend in Chicago. it was awesome. i had to take a stupid test for teaching, but once that was concluded, we embarked upon a journey of excessive calorie consumption with a few of our closest friends.

i will be back in Chicago in exactly one month, sans Heidi. during this trip, i will be interviewed by several Chicago Public Schools principals who will determine whether i am worthy to be hired to teach their kids how to read and write. from what i hear, it is a "speed-dating" type of set up. my greatest hope is that i land at whatever school is closest to my friend Kevin, so we can move in next door to him. once this happens, we will have dinner parties and grill outs, and Kevin and i will stand in his garage and drink Budweiser as we stare at his motorcycle and talk about master and slave cylinders.

talking about master and slave cylinders will bring me even greater pride than talking about master and slave moralities, because i am of the mindset that manliness is defined by physical brawn and manual prowess, not intelligence and sophistication.

and eating large quantities of food. that's definitive as well. fortunately, i have an excellent wife who delights in my exercise of consumption. thanks, dear.

+ if i ever get cancer, i want to handle it just like Matt Chandler, pastor of Village Church, in Dallas, TX.

+ with at least a half-a-foot of snow still on the ground, let me be the 4 millionth person to state that i am ready for Spring.

hey Winter - it's enough already.