vegas, baby

as eluded to last week, heidi and i were fortunate enough to be invited to a weekend getaway to "the city that should never have been invented in the first place and is absolutely crazy in every way, but a heck of a good time," otherwise known as las vegas. thanks to some amazing friends who made this one happen.

in honor of this most recent trip, i present you with "justin's do's and don'ts of las vegas - '08 [the '08 is probably not needed, since it will mostly likely be another four years at least until i get to go back there. it just sounds official]).

DO: stay at the palazzo



as you can see, this place is amazing. opened in january of this year, this high-class, can't find a blackjack table under $25 minimum hotel-casino is a treat of luxury. 12 people packed into adjoining suites makes for reasonable fares and good times (especially 4 am returns to the room with some members of the party a bit tipsy and rowdy.) don't touch anything in the fridge or pantry. there are sensors and you are charged if you even move something. how ridiculous is that? only in vegas (i am going to end each section with that flippant and trite little statement... fyi.)

DO: play as much blackjack as possible.



i love blackjack. $10 minimums are a little steep for my broke-ass tastes, but nonetheless, some good times were had. i was able to play with $100 for the entire weekend. just kept breaking even at every point. just call me "even steven." my friend brian is an expert blackjack player. he knows all the rules and plays by "the book" (apparently there is not really an actual book, but all blackjackers refer to playing by the book). i learned a lot about playing this simple game. the adreneline that goes through the veins when you you've "doubled down" or split a pair of eights is something wonderful. i could see myself as a cumpolsive gambler. that sounds like a worthy ambition to me.

DON'T: go to this guy's table



my friend here was a ball-busting dealer. seriously, i lost some money while this guy was dealing. he's from thailand. i'm never going to thailand... i can only assume i would come back with only a pair of dirty tube socks and an infectious disease.

DON'T: ever surrender.



apparently, when playing blackjack you can opt to "surrender" if you feel that a loss is obvious. when one surrenders, he withdraws from the game and holds on to half of the bet on the table. (never do "insurance" either, which is when a dealer shows an ace, but that's another point). at one point during one of the long nights (we failed to fall asleep before 4 am both nights), my friend ethan leaned over to taylor (far left) and said, "you should surrender, i've never seen somebody do that." taylor, being the champ that he is, obliged, and spent the rest of the weekend being called out by every one of us for being a "pussy" and for lacking the pair of male anatomical spheres that rest in your underpants (underpants... that's great). by the end of the weekend, taylor had earned the name "captain surrender." i don't think he thought it was as funny as the rest of us.

DON'T: count your money when youre sittin' at the table. there'll be time enough for countin when the dealins done.



according to the gambler (kenny rogers) i am committing some great crime in this picture. you have to understand though, i don't have a lot of money. and at times heidi was standing behind me and gasping each time i lost a hand. it was stressful. i kept thinking to myself, "stop this nonsense. your wife is going to be eating bologna sandwiches for a month, and you're going to have to ride your bike to work for a year if you lose this money (remember, i said i never exceeded a hundred bucks, so you have an idea of my financial situation these days.)"

DO: get all dressed up with your lady and go to shibuya for some of the best sushi you've ever had.



sake bombs. always a great (or bad) idea. any community activity that requires multiple toasts and downing alcoholic drinks like water is going to pretty fun. isn't heidi adorable? she was so much fun on this trip. she bet a few hands at the tables when she wasn't dancing at dick's last stand or studio 54 with the rest of the ladies.

DON'T: end your night a) looking like this lady (if you are a lady) or b) hooking up with this lady (if you are a fella)



not much to say here. heidi and the rest of the girls were all about the dancing while i and the rest of the boys were all about the gambling. the girls got some VIP passes to studio 54, as long as, and i quote, "you don't bring no guys with you." apparently there was a plethora of sleazy dudes trying to grind and feel up girls in the club, so our ladies were given full access to a comp bar and give the royal treatment so that some drunk, 5'6" cell phone salesman with a striped shirt and a popped collar could try to grab my wife's anatomy, that, needless to say, is not up for grabs by any man but myself. heidi loves to dance. she takes over any dance floor, anywhere. the girls on the sidelines typically hate her, and the guys... well we know what the guys are trying to do. i'm getting angry now. that's enough of that thought.

DO: take lots of pictures.

of course, we did not, and that is why i am only posting a few for you to enjoy. a special thanks to some of the most wonderful people that i know, who made this whole thing possible. i hate vegas. but in the same breath, i love vegas. what are you going to do?