masculinity as defined by "the oc"

the oc is the greatest television show of all time. this statement is a fact. there is no room for debate on this one. unquestionable greatness. i am sure that many of you will debate my conclusion (the conclusion was arrived at through a strict scientific method approach, and is supported by a copious amount of research and study).

heidi and i have been marathon-ing the first season (the greatest of the series). here's what i know about this show as i watch it for approximately the fifth or sixth time in my lifetime: the oc gives, through the holy trinity of male characters (sandy, seth and ryan) every single man in america something to strive after, a model to live for, and a goal to attain in the pursuit of manhood. let's take a look at this character by character, keeping in mind that i write this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality...

ryan atwood

ryan is from chino (the hillarity of chino being portrayed as some tough/ghetto/wrong side of the track/you're lucky to stay alive town is completely fabricated and inaccurate). but ryan is tough. ryan is really tough. i've often had the conversation with many of my male friends about the importance of fights in the development and formulation of a man. i maintain that if you have never been punched in the face or in the stomach by another man, you are missing something. until you get hit (and probably knocked down) you will never know what you are made of. and more importantly, you will always be afraid of being hit, which, will prohibit you from ever reaching your full potential. you will never: yell out insults at a baseball game, get in some drunk dude's face for making an inappropriate comment directed toward your lady, have the back of your friends (even when they deserve whatever is coming to them) or call out some dude who pushes your 5-year old kid out of the way to get a foul ball at a game. you think this is no big deal? you're wrong. it's all about respect here, and while i am not a violent man by any means, i'm ready to throw a punch, and just as importantly, take one on the chin at any time, for any worthy cause (this sounds familiar - fight club anyone?) ryan atwood was not a pacifist.

now, ryan has a temper, and typically has poor taste in apparel and women (marissa was crazy), but he was a man's man. a man of few words, yet powerful looks that say it all. the kind of dude you want to have in your close circle of friends. ryan would do anything for any one of his friends/family at anytime. this is a quality that is sorely lacking in the 21st american male. bring back the testosterone... the feminists will get over themselves once they realize that this is the way things are supposed to be.

seth cohen

seth cohen is the antithesis to ryan atwood. as much as i gush over the qualities of ryan, i am just as committed to the cause of promoting seth coen as 1/3 of the perfect man composite. seth is a genius. quick-witted, sarcastic, well-dressed, rambling and loveable in that self-loathing, bumbling fool kind of way. seth cohen shows determination (he was in love with summer since the 4th grade). he can sail (all men should know how to sail... just in case), he wears chucks (always a good footwear option) and he has a toy horse named "captain oats." perhaps all of this is pedantic and juvenile, but it works. i'll be honest, if i'm taking a "which oc character are you most like?" quiz via some flashing link on myspace, the outcome will probably read seth coen. this is not such a bad thing (at least it wouldn't be luke or oliver). seth has the rare, yet vitally important quality of being able to bring laughter to a tense situation, and to flatter anybody, at anytime with a quip or bromide. on top of all this, anna and summer - the thanksgiving episode - that's some good stuff. dude might appear to be clueless and bumbling, but he's a man with a master plan. i respect that.

seth cohen single-handedly made geek "chic." now this is not that big of a deal, and i feel a little ashamed to even have these thoughts, but it is what it is. he is responsible for representing every nerd with a nintendo controler belt buckle out there (on second thought, i hate the gimmick marketing ploy that has this country in a stranglehold because every disenfranchised, self-esteemless kid with glasses think he/she is unique and special and "counter-whatever" simply because he/she has some pop culture slogan on a t shirt that they bought at urban outfitters that was made to look like it was purchased at a thrift store... [and don't even get me started on how the vintage industry has destoryed the thrift store... i can't get a decent pair of pants or a t shirt these days, which is why i have not bought an article of clothing in roughly 3 years]}.

sandy cohen

now for the grand finale. if you could only choose one man of the oc to orient your life after, let it be the gregarious raconteur, sandy cohen. sandy combines the strength and "fight" of ryan with the wit and charisma of seth. sandy is the man that we all should aspire to be. he's an idealist, a man of principles, and the funniest character on the show. sandy is the dad that we all wish we had, and someday hope to be. he's ridiculously cheesy and has a moxy about him unmatched by anyone else ever portrayed on the small screen. sandy has a huge heart. he takes in a troubled youth and raises him as his own. he loves his wife unabashadly and sings to her for their anniversay. sandy would do anything for his family, and often times is forced to do so. sandy lives by a principal of strong morals and ethics. i respect that. you don't see that enough these days. i love sandy cohen. i want sandy cohen to be my dad. i want to be sandy coen. there, i said it. i am not exaggerating when i say that i have, throughout the process of watching this show one hundred times, considered getting a notepad and pencil to write down every thing that sandy says and does, so that i might emulate it in my daily life. just today, i spet time online looking into what it takes to become a lawyer (apparently it's not that easy, and takes a lot more work than i originally presumed). i am not Jewish (surprising). i'm never going to be a lawyer. i'm never going to live in a mansion in newport beach (i did marry the beuatiful and wonderful blonde though...) give me a pair of caterpillars to place above my eyes and a long board to hit the waves every morning before i head into the office. i'm ready for a sandy tranformation.

i've lost my mind. i really have. in all seriousness (this entry has not been so), that i am really serious about manhood. i'm a "masculinist." one of the reasons that i love the bible is the firm commitment to promoting men to men. men are to be leaders. men should be strong fathers and loving and gentle husbands. a man should be a teacher, provider, coach, friend, and leader to his family, friends and community. a man should stand up for what is right, even when everyone around him is living wrong. a man should live according to his convictions, he should do what is right, both in front of others, and in private. a good man is hard to find. i wish it were not so. the feminization of men in this culture is alarming and tragic.

much more could be said. but i'm rambling, and i have to finish the dinner that i am preparing for heidi before she gets home from work (i didn't say i was a chauvinist... just a "masculinist")