these are the things i'm thinking about right now:
john and kate are getting divorced. malcom gladwell and his smart friends saw this coming years ago. if you don't know what i am talking about, then do yourself a favor and go buy the following three books: "tipping point," "blink," and "outliers." in "blink," gladwell tells about some psychologists who can look at married people and within 15 minutes be able to predict with over 85% accuracy whether this couple will last. it's called thin-slicing and it's fascinating. of course when it comes to the dominating demon that is kate matched with the passive pansy john, it's not that hard to see. in reality, i'm sad about this because divorce is sad. divorce is tragic. i don't watch the show and i don't know much about it, but when you cut through the gossip-column celebrity obsession b.s., it's a sad thing when two people decide that they can't live with one another anymore. i wish it didn't happen to people, and i pray to God everyday that it doesn't happen to heidi and i.
yes, i know that they are making a "where the wild things are" movie. yes, i'm excited about it. that book was my favorite as a child and obviously i have a big enough connection with it to defile myself with a tattoo of it's images. but i swear that if another stranger asks to see my arm, and then makes some sort of comment about the forthcoming movie i am going to start firing shots into the crowd (yes, i carry a firearm at all times). i like spike jonze a lot (director) but think david eggers is a tool (screenwriter). will i be there opening night? yes i will.
people who know me, or any male born between 1976 and 1985 have been asking me if i am excited about the upcoming GIJOE movie. my answer is that i am not. mostly, i just don't pay attention to movies because i never go to see them, but also, i don't trust hollywood. i didn't see transformers because i didn't think it would be as good as the old cartoon with the sweet metal theme song. i refuse to watch 99% of the remakes that are made each year because frankly, i just can't support these money-making ploys that prey upon our collective nostalgia.
slow sports season right now. i need something to happen to spice it up. i'm hoping that "brett favre orders a steak at outback - considers retiring from retirement" scrolls across the ticker on espn just so i have something to complain about.
wait? brett favre is in the news every day because he's debating another return to football this year? this is really happening again? and some people still think that he's not the biggest turd to ever put on a helmet? i don't believe it. kevin and i have been telling you people for years to quit supporting this guy. don't say we didn't warn you.
kevin and i are so smart. (and yes kevin, "american history x" is a very good movie. but you knew that because you're almost as smart as i am).
i'm not angry. i realize that all of my comments so far have come across as condescending and vehement, but in reality, i'm in a really good mood. an unexpected date with heidi tonight afforded me some good talks, beer and comet's jerk tofu burrito, so how could i be in a poor mood? that would be silly.
one month from today i will head up to chicago to catch a cubs-reds game at wrigley with kevin. this is going to be the best. i will tweet/facebook/blog all about it.
just watched season 1 of "the wire" again this past week. if you haven't watched this show by now then we can just stop being friends and go our separate ways. i'm telling you that if you give it a chance and watch it that you will lose your damn mind. i watched some of the commentaries this time too, and can tell you that i am completely convinced that this was the smartest and most well-done show ever made. just watch it. you have no excuse. i'm going to get on facebook and see if they have a "which 'the wire' character are you?" i hope i'm bunk.
my fears have been confirmed. facebook has robbed my creative ingenuity by stealing the everyday thoughts that i usually collect and collaborate into a fine blog each week for your reading pleasure.
i'm concerned that the annual camping trip isn't going to happen. am i in charge of this thing? why is nobody asking me about it? is anybody still on board with this thing?
listened to a message today called "just do something" by this guy deyoung. it was motivating and convicting. i could be doing a lot more with my life if i just left the house and started something without thinking through all the possible ways that it could fail. malcom gladwell would be so disappointed in me, especially since i was born in april and should be much more successful than i am. jimmy mcnulty didn't think about all bad stuff that would happen if he went after the baltimore drug game without reserve. he just did it. and so should i.
did i mention that you should read malcom gladwell's books?
did i mention that you should watch "the wire?"
what are you waiting for? we could have so much more to talk about if you would just do something...
(see how i just tied all those things together like that? i'm good.)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
regrettably yours,
it's been awhile. i missed you too.
i'm back with a list of regrets for your reading pleasure. some ideas might be repeats, but in all honesty, what blog of mine is not a repeat of previous posts? i don't have any new ideas. i don't have anything new to say. and when i do think of something to say, i waste it on a facebook update.
+ in 1992 i traded a TOPPS mark mcgwire rookie card to my neighbor for a 1986 TOPPS jose uribe (R.I.P.) card with a pushpin hole in the upper left-hand corner. i agreed to this trade because the giants (whom uribe played for) were my favorite baseball team and i didn't care about the monetary value of baseball cards - i only cared to collect cards of the players who wore the uniform of my favorite team. in hindsight, mcgwire ruined his legacy by using steroids and both cards are probably worth less than 3 cents today. the regret lies in the fact that i am terrible when it comes to savvy investments and money-making ventures, and i believe that this terrible trade most-clearly exemplifies this inadequacy in my life. i don't have stocks and i've never made any considerable amount of money in any arena of life. if i would have made a better trade with my neighbor, perhaps i would have gained confidence and invested in google during the early stages. perhaps i would have played the lottery just once in my life and won millions. maybe i would have bought and sold real estate during the height of the housing market. in this economy, it seems that everyone is in the same boat as me now, but the difference is that others will eventually make money when things turn around, but i will still be trading away my all star cards for utility players who bat below the mendoza line (figuratively, of course).
+ my first car was a 1988 acura integra. i bought the car just before i went to college in 1998. the car was pretty much a piece of junk, but my regret is for something much more egregious. hanging from the rearview mirror of my first car was a set of large, white fuzzy dice. in my defense, i did not purchase them (i took them from my roommate) and the hanging of the dice was a tribute to the song "the land of racecar ya yas" by cake. in the song, there is a line that states "where large fuzzy dice, still hang proudly, like testicles from rearview mirrors." i thought that was pretty funny, and still do, but as i look in the rearview mirror of my life, i regret seeing fuzzy dice in my wake.
i do not regret the less than jake bumper sticker that i slapped on the back of the same car.
+ picking the oakland A's as my dark horse team for the '09 baseball season. the pick is looking slightly less abhorrent recently (8-2 in last 10) and at least i didn't pick the royals (sorry kevin), but i could have, and should have done better.
+ i should have obtained my teaching certification when i was completing my undergrad. instead i took on some loans and got an MA in theology that earns me serious bucks now... i don't regret getting that degree, but as i search ways to get into the teaching field (something i've always wanted to do) ten years later, i realize i could have saved myself a lot of trouble if i just took care of it back then.
+ myspace. everybody was doing it, and it's not the worst thing in the world, but having a myspace account now feels as silly as hammer pants, feathered hair, slap bracelets and reebok pumps. what happened myspace? i checked my account the other day for the first time in weeks and it was like a ghost town over there. myspace used to be the hot new nightclub that people waited in line for hours to get into, but then this flashy new club called 'facebook' opened up across town and is now just days away from having the electricity shut off and the liquor license revoked. myspace users are like 45 year-old recently-divorced guys with hair plugs still hanging out at the old club scanning for drunk chicks to impress with a line like, "you see that mazda miata out front... yeah, that's mine."
+ as american history x is showing on television now, i can say with full confidence that i do not regret never getting involved in any sort of neo-nazi, hitler youth movement. recently my wife tore down letters posted around the town of florence that were posted on telephone poles to communicate that the good (white) citizens of florence need to wake up, rise up, and rage against the minorities that are living in this city. the hate in this letter is excruciating and filthy. i want to fight it somehow, but i'm not sure how without getting bricks thrown through my window and death threats. ignorance is retarded.
+ tattoos. i'm not old and wrinkled yet, but we all know that it's coming and permanent ink on my body of religious symbols, children's literature and drawings done by six year-olds will not look good in 30 years. heck, they don't look that good now. fortunately i do not have to regret swastikas and d.o.c, tattoos on my body, so at least i have that going for me.
+ i had a chance to buy a motorcycle for really cheap in 2000. it was a nice bike and i got my license in preparation for the purchase, but at the last minute i backed out. my parents and girlfriend at the time played the biggest role in ruining my fun. thanks a lot. sometimes i think about how cool i would have been riding around on my bike. sometimes i think about the likelihood that i would have crashed and burned and ended up paralyzed or skinless. but mostly i think about how cool it would have been.
+ when i got older, and it wasn't cool to play with toys anymore, my friends and i destructed my GIJOES through various acts of destruction and basic tom-foolery. explosions, falls from a great height, and general dismantling (we thought it was funny to mix the parts of the figures up - like putting GI jane's legs on snake eyes' body with the head of sgt. slaughter). i wish my GIJOE collection was ready to be given to my first-born son one day. he's going to be as mad at me as i was at my dad when i found out that he threw out all his old comics and baseball cards.
+ brian, i wouldn't regret you.
+ i regret not posting a blog for 2+ weeks. you deserve better than this.
i'm back with a list of regrets for your reading pleasure. some ideas might be repeats, but in all honesty, what blog of mine is not a repeat of previous posts? i don't have any new ideas. i don't have anything new to say. and when i do think of something to say, i waste it on a facebook update.
+ in 1992 i traded a TOPPS mark mcgwire rookie card to my neighbor for a 1986 TOPPS jose uribe (R.I.P.) card with a pushpin hole in the upper left-hand corner. i agreed to this trade because the giants (whom uribe played for) were my favorite baseball team and i didn't care about the monetary value of baseball cards - i only cared to collect cards of the players who wore the uniform of my favorite team. in hindsight, mcgwire ruined his legacy by using steroids and both cards are probably worth less than 3 cents today. the regret lies in the fact that i am terrible when it comes to savvy investments and money-making ventures, and i believe that this terrible trade most-clearly exemplifies this inadequacy in my life. i don't have stocks and i've never made any considerable amount of money in any arena of life. if i would have made a better trade with my neighbor, perhaps i would have gained confidence and invested in google during the early stages. perhaps i would have played the lottery just once in my life and won millions. maybe i would have bought and sold real estate during the height of the housing market. in this economy, it seems that everyone is in the same boat as me now, but the difference is that others will eventually make money when things turn around, but i will still be trading away my all star cards for utility players who bat below the mendoza line (figuratively, of course).
+ my first car was a 1988 acura integra. i bought the car just before i went to college in 1998. the car was pretty much a piece of junk, but my regret is for something much more egregious. hanging from the rearview mirror of my first car was a set of large, white fuzzy dice. in my defense, i did not purchase them (i took them from my roommate) and the hanging of the dice was a tribute to the song "the land of racecar ya yas" by cake. in the song, there is a line that states "where large fuzzy dice, still hang proudly, like testicles from rearview mirrors." i thought that was pretty funny, and still do, but as i look in the rearview mirror of my life, i regret seeing fuzzy dice in my wake.
i do not regret the less than jake bumper sticker that i slapped on the back of the same car.
+ picking the oakland A's as my dark horse team for the '09 baseball season. the pick is looking slightly less abhorrent recently (8-2 in last 10) and at least i didn't pick the royals (sorry kevin), but i could have, and should have done better.
+ i should have obtained my teaching certification when i was completing my undergrad. instead i took on some loans and got an MA in theology that earns me serious bucks now... i don't regret getting that degree, but as i search ways to get into the teaching field (something i've always wanted to do) ten years later, i realize i could have saved myself a lot of trouble if i just took care of it back then.
+ myspace. everybody was doing it, and it's not the worst thing in the world, but having a myspace account now feels as silly as hammer pants, feathered hair, slap bracelets and reebok pumps. what happened myspace? i checked my account the other day for the first time in weeks and it was like a ghost town over there. myspace used to be the hot new nightclub that people waited in line for hours to get into, but then this flashy new club called 'facebook' opened up across town and is now just days away from having the electricity shut off and the liquor license revoked. myspace users are like 45 year-old recently-divorced guys with hair plugs still hanging out at the old club scanning for drunk chicks to impress with a line like, "you see that mazda miata out front... yeah, that's mine."
+ as american history x is showing on television now, i can say with full confidence that i do not regret never getting involved in any sort of neo-nazi, hitler youth movement. recently my wife tore down letters posted around the town of florence that were posted on telephone poles to communicate that the good (white) citizens of florence need to wake up, rise up, and rage against the minorities that are living in this city. the hate in this letter is excruciating and filthy. i want to fight it somehow, but i'm not sure how without getting bricks thrown through my window and death threats. ignorance is retarded.
+ tattoos. i'm not old and wrinkled yet, but we all know that it's coming and permanent ink on my body of religious symbols, children's literature and drawings done by six year-olds will not look good in 30 years. heck, they don't look that good now. fortunately i do not have to regret swastikas and d.o.c, tattoos on my body, so at least i have that going for me.
+ i had a chance to buy a motorcycle for really cheap in 2000. it was a nice bike and i got my license in preparation for the purchase, but at the last minute i backed out. my parents and girlfriend at the time played the biggest role in ruining my fun. thanks a lot. sometimes i think about how cool i would have been riding around on my bike. sometimes i think about the likelihood that i would have crashed and burned and ended up paralyzed or skinless. but mostly i think about how cool it would have been.
+ when i got older, and it wasn't cool to play with toys anymore, my friends and i destructed my GIJOES through various acts of destruction and basic tom-foolery. explosions, falls from a great height, and general dismantling (we thought it was funny to mix the parts of the figures up - like putting GI jane's legs on snake eyes' body with the head of sgt. slaughter). i wish my GIJOE collection was ready to be given to my first-born son one day. he's going to be as mad at me as i was at my dad when i found out that he threw out all his old comics and baseball cards.
+ brian, i wouldn't regret you.
+ i regret not posting a blog for 2+ weeks. you deserve better than this.
Friday, May 29, 2009
kids, man
my wife lost her phone and camera last weekend up in oakley.
we thought they were long gone because in reality, when does that kind of stuff ever come back to you?
heidi took some time from her very busy and active work schedule to create some fancy signs to put up in the neighborhood where the electronics were lost with a big "$50 reward" claim to entice would-be helpers.
as i went to put the signs up today after work, some juvenile delinquent hollers at me to inquire of my business in his neighborhood.
"you lose a dog?"
"no, cell phone and camera."
"what's the camera look like"
i described the camera
"i think my friend mikey might have it. lemme check. is there a reward?"
"yeah man, $50 for the phone and camera. i'll give you $20 for your trouble if you can help me out."
we walk down to some house and this kid asks me to wait outside while he goes into the house to figure out his next move.
"it's in here! hold on, he's just deleting some of the pictures he took on it."
so i'm waiting outside while these kids delete the pictures they took of their testicles and morning bowls of cereal and thinking to myself, 'i feel like i'm on 'the shield' right now or something. i gotta pay this kid to lead me to the source or something like that. i could so be a cop.'
"here it is man. so you got that $20?"
"yeah man, here it is. thanks for your help."
"no problem. i know how it feels, i lost my $200 phone and $200 camera and wallet at the st. cecilia festival last week and nobody helped me out."
"that sucks man - did you put up signs that offered rewards if the items were returned?"
"nah, i knew i'd never get that shit back."
"i hear that."
"if i can find your phone, can i get the rest of the money?"
"sure kid, why not."
i drive away feeling all at once excited to get the camera back and confident that this hustler is going to track down my phone, as well as pissed off that i've got to pay some derelict kids a bunch of cash just to get this stuff back.
fast forward a half hour and i'm just getting home when i see that i'm getting a call from an unknown number:
"you lose a phone?"
"yeah."
"silver lg shine?"
"yeah."
"there's a $50 reward for it?"
"well i got the camera back already so i'll give you half."
"so $30 for the phone?"
either this kid sucks at math (a very real possibility) or my new friend from a half hour ago hit the pavement in an effort to either make some more cash or flex his altruistic muscles.
"half of $50 is $25. do you have the phone? i'll give you $25 if i get the phone back"
"yeah, i got the phone. i'll give it to you for $25."
i'm getting ripped off here. these kids are really testing my patience.
"alright kid, my wife is getting off work and she'll come get the phone from you. where are you?"
"drive through on the corner. she's gonna give me $25, right?"
"yeah dante, she'll give you $25. just stay there for another 20 minutes and she'll come pick it up."
"it doesn't work."
"the battery's dead. i just have to charge it."
"oh. (long pause). so i still get the $25?"
"yeah, you still get the money. just be waiting at the drive through with the phone. thanks for your help."
i'm sitting at home now waiting for heidi to get here. my hope is that the transaction went smoothly, but i have no way of knowing since the phone is dead. as i wait impatiently my thoughts turn to grandiose dreams of the good-ol-days when people helped people just because it was the right thing to do. when neighbors helped neighbors and a cup of sugar was only a door down if you were baking a pie. i thought about kids playing in sprinklers while parents gossiped about the latest action down at the corner store. i imagined a world in which some kid would yell out to me from his 2nd-story house to see if he could help me out, and courteously turn down my offer of a few bucks for his trouble because he is a boy scout, and he helps old ladies across the street and stuff like that according to "scout's honor." i guess there just aren't as many boy scouts as there used to be.
we thought they were long gone because in reality, when does that kind of stuff ever come back to you?
heidi took some time from her very busy and active work schedule to create some fancy signs to put up in the neighborhood where the electronics were lost with a big "$50 reward" claim to entice would-be helpers.
as i went to put the signs up today after work, some juvenile delinquent hollers at me to inquire of my business in his neighborhood.
"you lose a dog?"
"no, cell phone and camera."
"what's the camera look like"
i described the camera
"i think my friend mikey might have it. lemme check. is there a reward?"
"yeah man, $50 for the phone and camera. i'll give you $20 for your trouble if you can help me out."
we walk down to some house and this kid asks me to wait outside while he goes into the house to figure out his next move.
"it's in here! hold on, he's just deleting some of the pictures he took on it."
so i'm waiting outside while these kids delete the pictures they took of their testicles and morning bowls of cereal and thinking to myself, 'i feel like i'm on 'the shield' right now or something. i gotta pay this kid to lead me to the source or something like that. i could so be a cop.'
"here it is man. so you got that $20?"
"yeah man, here it is. thanks for your help."
"no problem. i know how it feels, i lost my $200 phone and $200 camera and wallet at the st. cecilia festival last week and nobody helped me out."
"that sucks man - did you put up signs that offered rewards if the items were returned?"
"nah, i knew i'd never get that shit back."
"i hear that."
"if i can find your phone, can i get the rest of the money?"
"sure kid, why not."
i drive away feeling all at once excited to get the camera back and confident that this hustler is going to track down my phone, as well as pissed off that i've got to pay some derelict kids a bunch of cash just to get this stuff back.
fast forward a half hour and i'm just getting home when i see that i'm getting a call from an unknown number:
"you lose a phone?"
"yeah."
"silver lg shine?"
"yeah."
"there's a $50 reward for it?"
"well i got the camera back already so i'll give you half."
"so $30 for the phone?"
either this kid sucks at math (a very real possibility) or my new friend from a half hour ago hit the pavement in an effort to either make some more cash or flex his altruistic muscles.
"half of $50 is $25. do you have the phone? i'll give you $25 if i get the phone back"
"yeah, i got the phone. i'll give it to you for $25."
i'm getting ripped off here. these kids are really testing my patience.
"alright kid, my wife is getting off work and she'll come get the phone from you. where are you?"
"drive through on the corner. she's gonna give me $25, right?"
"yeah dante, she'll give you $25. just stay there for another 20 minutes and she'll come pick it up."
"it doesn't work."
"the battery's dead. i just have to charge it."
"oh. (long pause). so i still get the $25?"
"yeah, you still get the money. just be waiting at the drive through with the phone. thanks for your help."
i'm sitting at home now waiting for heidi to get here. my hope is that the transaction went smoothly, but i have no way of knowing since the phone is dead. as i wait impatiently my thoughts turn to grandiose dreams of the good-ol-days when people helped people just because it was the right thing to do. when neighbors helped neighbors and a cup of sugar was only a door down if you were baking a pie. i thought about kids playing in sprinklers while parents gossiped about the latest action down at the corner store. i imagined a world in which some kid would yell out to me from his 2nd-story house to see if he could help me out, and courteously turn down my offer of a few bucks for his trouble because he is a boy scout, and he helps old ladies across the street and stuff like that according to "scout's honor." i guess there just aren't as many boy scouts as there used to be.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
beat blog
in the tradition of jack kerouac, allen ginsberg, the dude who wrote naked lunch (i can't look up the author on the internet or i would lose my stream of consciousness and destroy the premise of this blog) and the rest of the beat writers, i present my random thoughts in no particular order
it seems appropriate to give a rundown of the weekend past. i suppose i could have been tweeting and f-booking these events throughout the course of the weekend, but i'm not ready to type, "going to the store. skim milk for my wheat chex in the morning" just yet. here's the highlights: back/front yard grill out/potlucks three nights in a row. i lost approximately 14 pints of blood to mosquitoes this weekend. taste of cincinnati was a hit. i have some adjustments i would make to the festival, but i can't complain too much because i got bbq from two good places and beers from three local brewers. almost saw the reds win a game yesterday, but the rain came down and forced us out of the stadium. after 2 hours of rain delay they returned to secure the win, but i wasn't there to see the win, so i'm 0-3-1 in reds' games this year. lifetime movies with my wife. lack of sleep. excess of food and beer. lebron's shot (x 4,918).
speaking of facebook/twitter, many of you have been asking how it's going since i took the plunge (nobody has asked. heidi makes snide comments every time she sees me on facebook in a constant reminder of how i swore i would never do this, but that's not really asking. in two weeks my own wife will allow me to be her friend once my probation ends and i'm looking forward to this). i like both of these sites and i find myself more interested than i thought i would be in what my friends are actually doing. consequently, the blog is suffering, which is why you're getting random thoughts instead of something that is actually thought out and interesting. i feel like i have to check twitter often, because if i don't i might miss something. like the rest of the world is planning some hoax/prank/lark against me that i can stop from happening simply by spying on what is being said and putting it to death.
i miss pranks. i went to a lot of sleep-overs as a kid and the best part of sleep-overs is staying up until death because of the knowledge that whoever falls asleep first would fall victim to underwear in the freezer, finger in warm water, feather-to-the-nose tickle with shaving cream-on-the-palm, toothpaste in the ear, mass quantities of toilet paper, artificial insemination... you get the idea. tonight i'm freezing heidi's underwear. she's going to freak out!
i got into an interesting conversation about hipsters at one of the many backyard parties i went to this weekend. the person i asked to define hipster for me did so with the usual condemnation and went on to discuss how hipsters are people who think that they have found something cooler than most people and love to talk about it and define themselves by it. i checked with wikipedia to make sure that this person knew what she was talking about and it seems to fit. if this definition is accurate, then i don't know a single person who is not a hipster (myself included) but i hardly ever hear the term "hipster" without the term "douche" immediately following. so if everyone is a hipster, then doesn't it kind of lose it's meaning? saying "you're such a human" just doesn't have the same ring as it did when neanderthals and cro-magnum man were still wielding their clubs in the clubs. let's put an end to this term (if it hasn't already been put to death. does anyone even talk like this anymore? i'm so out of touch with reality).
speaking of reality, let's take a moment for "justin's reality tv anecdote of the week." just looking at mtv, i'm amazed at how the latest show (taking the stage) has infiltrated and perhaps influenced society. mtv started the whole "reality television simply for the sake of voyeurism without any cash-winning motivations." the real world is the grandfather and got it all going. this show was accessible (and still is) to just about any college/post-college kid. it has a premise (7 strangers, picked to live in a house...) but is short-lived and not very real (strangers aren't picked to live in houses and have their lives taped). laguna beach came along and gave birth to the hills. in this brand of reality television, we just watch people whom we believe to have better/more glamorous lives than us. people from across the world will watch a couple of personality-less drones talk/cry/stare for a half hour each week. there is no point. there is no real drama. there is nothing that happens in this show that is interesting, except the fact that it takes place in beautiful southern california and is just steps away from celebrity-dom of hollywood. but then came taking the stage. set in a mid-major city in the middle of america (cincinnati, oh) and featuring high school kids (drama/dance/performer crazy high school kids, but kids nonetheless). this show was pretty terrible, but pretty amazing at the same time. think about mtv's target audience - junior high/high school kids from across america. a show like this has to appeal to the kids in the big cities, but what about the kids in jackson hole, wy, jefferson city, mi, or eureka, ca? what do they have to relate to? how about some average-looking kids trying to figure this crazy life out while dancing hip hop and ballet and singing ballads? most kids aren't as talented as this crew, but there's a lot to relate to. and my question is how much will this influence the current generation (is it still gen y? is it z now? who knows these things?) how are kids figuring out what is cool? where do kids go to learn how to break up with their girlfriend without looking like a jerk? the same place we've always gone. so is "taking the stage" the most real television has ever been? it's scripted and edited to perfection, but it's not that far-fetched. and i can't help but think that all these kids in reno, nv and park city, ut are watching with notepads, taking notes, and making adjustments. i could be wrong... i'm probably wrong.
as a matter of fact, i guarantee i'm wrong. today, mo williams, a player for the cleveland cavs stated with confidence that his team would win the game tonight and go on to win the series. whenever some dude projects his team to secure victory in any confident terms the entire sports world goes up in flames? what's wrong with this kid being confident that his team is going to win? he didn't say anything disparaging against the orlando magic. he didn't predict a final score or make any sweeping generalizations about how his team would accomplish the goal of winning. dude just said that he plans on his team winning a contest tonight. but all day today, like every time some athlete makes some sort of projected pledge of victory, every blogger, sports talk radio host and journalist gets all crazy and starts shouting and showing veins in the neck to condemn some guy for trying to show confidence in his team. what do you expect him to say: "we don't have a shot tonight..." "i really hope we win, but i don't want to make any promises..." "i am moderately convinced that we will participate in a game tonight in which the outcome is completely uncertain..." sports are so stupid sometimes.
i'm sorry sports. i didn't mean it. please forgive me.
it seems appropriate to give a rundown of the weekend past. i suppose i could have been tweeting and f-booking these events throughout the course of the weekend, but i'm not ready to type, "going to the store. skim milk for my wheat chex in the morning" just yet. here's the highlights: back/front yard grill out/potlucks three nights in a row. i lost approximately 14 pints of blood to mosquitoes this weekend. taste of cincinnati was a hit. i have some adjustments i would make to the festival, but i can't complain too much because i got bbq from two good places and beers from three local brewers. almost saw the reds win a game yesterday, but the rain came down and forced us out of the stadium. after 2 hours of rain delay they returned to secure the win, but i wasn't there to see the win, so i'm 0-3-1 in reds' games this year. lifetime movies with my wife. lack of sleep. excess of food and beer. lebron's shot (x 4,918).
speaking of facebook/twitter, many of you have been asking how it's going since i took the plunge (nobody has asked. heidi makes snide comments every time she sees me on facebook in a constant reminder of how i swore i would never do this, but that's not really asking. in two weeks my own wife will allow me to be her friend once my probation ends and i'm looking forward to this). i like both of these sites and i find myself more interested than i thought i would be in what my friends are actually doing. consequently, the blog is suffering, which is why you're getting random thoughts instead of something that is actually thought out and interesting. i feel like i have to check twitter often, because if i don't i might miss something. like the rest of the world is planning some hoax/prank/lark against me that i can stop from happening simply by spying on what is being said and putting it to death.
i miss pranks. i went to a lot of sleep-overs as a kid and the best part of sleep-overs is staying up until death because of the knowledge that whoever falls asleep first would fall victim to underwear in the freezer, finger in warm water, feather-to-the-nose tickle with shaving cream-on-the-palm, toothpaste in the ear, mass quantities of toilet paper, artificial insemination... you get the idea. tonight i'm freezing heidi's underwear. she's going to freak out!
i got into an interesting conversation about hipsters at one of the many backyard parties i went to this weekend. the person i asked to define hipster for me did so with the usual condemnation and went on to discuss how hipsters are people who think that they have found something cooler than most people and love to talk about it and define themselves by it. i checked with wikipedia to make sure that this person knew what she was talking about and it seems to fit. if this definition is accurate, then i don't know a single person who is not a hipster (myself included) but i hardly ever hear the term "hipster" without the term "douche" immediately following. so if everyone is a hipster, then doesn't it kind of lose it's meaning? saying "you're such a human" just doesn't have the same ring as it did when neanderthals and cro-magnum man were still wielding their clubs in the clubs. let's put an end to this term (if it hasn't already been put to death. does anyone even talk like this anymore? i'm so out of touch with reality).
speaking of reality, let's take a moment for "justin's reality tv anecdote of the week." just looking at mtv, i'm amazed at how the latest show (taking the stage) has infiltrated and perhaps influenced society. mtv started the whole "reality television simply for the sake of voyeurism without any cash-winning motivations." the real world is the grandfather and got it all going. this show was accessible (and still is) to just about any college/post-college kid. it has a premise (7 strangers, picked to live in a house...) but is short-lived and not very real (strangers aren't picked to live in houses and have their lives taped). laguna beach came along and gave birth to the hills. in this brand of reality television, we just watch people whom we believe to have better/more glamorous lives than us. people from across the world will watch a couple of personality-less drones talk/cry/stare for a half hour each week. there is no point. there is no real drama. there is nothing that happens in this show that is interesting, except the fact that it takes place in beautiful southern california and is just steps away from celebrity-dom of hollywood. but then came taking the stage. set in a mid-major city in the middle of america (cincinnati, oh) and featuring high school kids (drama/dance/performer crazy high school kids, but kids nonetheless). this show was pretty terrible, but pretty amazing at the same time. think about mtv's target audience - junior high/high school kids from across america. a show like this has to appeal to the kids in the big cities, but what about the kids in jackson hole, wy, jefferson city, mi, or eureka, ca? what do they have to relate to? how about some average-looking kids trying to figure this crazy life out while dancing hip hop and ballet and singing ballads? most kids aren't as talented as this crew, but there's a lot to relate to. and my question is how much will this influence the current generation (is it still gen y? is it z now? who knows these things?) how are kids figuring out what is cool? where do kids go to learn how to break up with their girlfriend without looking like a jerk? the same place we've always gone. so is "taking the stage" the most real television has ever been? it's scripted and edited to perfection, but it's not that far-fetched. and i can't help but think that all these kids in reno, nv and park city, ut are watching with notepads, taking notes, and making adjustments. i could be wrong... i'm probably wrong.
as a matter of fact, i guarantee i'm wrong. today, mo williams, a player for the cleveland cavs stated with confidence that his team would win the game tonight and go on to win the series. whenever some dude projects his team to secure victory in any confident terms the entire sports world goes up in flames? what's wrong with this kid being confident that his team is going to win? he didn't say anything disparaging against the orlando magic. he didn't predict a final score or make any sweeping generalizations about how his team would accomplish the goal of winning. dude just said that he plans on his team winning a contest tonight. but all day today, like every time some athlete makes some sort of projected pledge of victory, every blogger, sports talk radio host and journalist gets all crazy and starts shouting and showing veins in the neck to condemn some guy for trying to show confidence in his team. what do you expect him to say: "we don't have a shot tonight..." "i really hope we win, but i don't want to make any promises..." "i am moderately convinced that we will participate in a game tonight in which the outcome is completely uncertain..." sports are so stupid sometimes.
i'm sorry sports. i didn't mean it. please forgive me.
Friday, May 15, 2009
bulletin board
just got back from a week in OC/san diego. it was awesome. i could write all about how awesome it really was, but that seems like a lot of work. if you were there with me, then you know it was awesome in every way. if you weren't there, then why would you want to read about the awesome-ness of the trip? you would either be jealous and resentful, or bored (most likely the latter).
i don't have much energy to get into anything of real importance or substance, so instead i will make a few announcements and then send you on your way.
1) i considered titling this blog post "bulletin bored" instead of "bulletin board." i felt like i was being too clever for my own good though. i went conventional rather than trying to illicit some reaction from a title. let's face it - titles are completely unimportant. when i'm reading, i skip over any title or subheading. waste of my time.
2) i have expanded my "e-fluence" dramatically in the past week.
a) i'm on facebook now. let's just move quickly past this announcement and ignore the fact that i have swore i never would join and ridiculed the very existence of the site. i still don't get it, but i look forward to even more hours wasted on the internet.
related to this announcement, i would like to take the opportunity to announce that i am using extreme discretion in adding friends. i've already "denied" some people that would probably be upset if they realized that i said "no" to their "e-vances" (that is if people paid any attention to what they actually do on the internet, something that i seriously doubt). somehow i got up to more than 200 friends on myspace and i hated it. so i am going to be a snob and only use my facebook to commune with people i actually talk to. if i met you four years ago in some alley behind the albertsons next to my old house in san diego, and i haven't talked to you since - you don't stand a chance.
b) i'm on twitter.
c) my friends ethan, brian and taylor are also now on twitter. we all did it together. like a "blood brothers" kind of thing.
3) you'd think that spending a week in southern california would not include the highlights of joining two social networking "e-mmunities," but it is what it is. real highlights of the trip out west include:
a) good times with duane and amy. duane took me to some bar that featured at least four-dozen hand-crafted beers from across the nation and country. it was pretty much heaven. duane and amy have a backyard and their adorable little daughter plays in it for hours. i think they have a pretty good life.
b) game 6 of the stanley cup playoffs viewed from a suite. fights are the best part of hockey. the me lee that broke out at the end of the game was absolutely fantastic. the NHL has something here. all my dork friends out there play in some amateur hockey league and i have to admit that if i could ever learn to stand up straight on a pair of skates for longer than 3.5 seconds, i would love to play.
c) the taco guy is awesome.
d) heidi and i ate mexican food 6/7 days in california. i know, it should have been a perfect 7/7, but there were a thousand other places i wanted to eat at as well.
e) i am now officially on a diet/increased work-out routine as consequence for what i did to my body last week. i feel like i need to apologize:
dear body,
i'm sorry for the way i treated you last week. i know that you were excited about going to perfectly moderate weather and the possibility of swimming in pools and oceans. i know that you were tricked into thinking that california is a mecca for healthy eating options and that you would be treated well out there. i'm sorry that i crushed your ribs when i fell off the treadmill. i'm sorry for eating del taco at two in the morning. i'm sorry for eating four-five meals a day instead of the usual three. i'm sorry for the shots of tequila that i took at brian's party. you know i don't normally do that to you, and i'm truly thankful that you didn't punish me for my poor decisions. i apologize for going with the double-double rather than just the single at in-and-out... that was unnecessary. i'm sorry for putting you through "p90x," that was silly. i'm sorry about the booze. you deserve better.
sincerely,
justin
f) southern california is the promised land. there is no doubt about it and anybody who disagrees is an idiot.
4) i remembered today why i always run early in the morning. not only is it hot-as-hell in the afternoon, but you have to put up with stupid boys yelling things like "break a sweat," "work it," "run forest run" and "your dog is running faster than you" (i actually liked the last one). in my old age, i am getting less and less patient, especially with pubescent boys who are trying to convince misguided girls to make out with them. i'm getting to that point in my life where i just won't put up with it anymore. these kids are going to get a piece of my mind and i hope to make every one of them cry.
5) the hardest part of coming home from vacation is trying to catch up on all that i missed in the past week. i'm listening to 5-day old bill simmons podcasts and reading week-old articles about stuff that is already way-old news. i can't waste anymore time writing this blog because i have to update my twitter/facebook and check out what peter king wrote about five days ago.
i don't have much energy to get into anything of real importance or substance, so instead i will make a few announcements and then send you on your way.
1) i considered titling this blog post "bulletin bored" instead of "bulletin board." i felt like i was being too clever for my own good though. i went conventional rather than trying to illicit some reaction from a title. let's face it - titles are completely unimportant. when i'm reading, i skip over any title or subheading. waste of my time.
2) i have expanded my "e-fluence" dramatically in the past week.
a) i'm on facebook now. let's just move quickly past this announcement and ignore the fact that i have swore i never would join and ridiculed the very existence of the site. i still don't get it, but i look forward to even more hours wasted on the internet.
related to this announcement, i would like to take the opportunity to announce that i am using extreme discretion in adding friends. i've already "denied" some people that would probably be upset if they realized that i said "no" to their "e-vances" (that is if people paid any attention to what they actually do on the internet, something that i seriously doubt). somehow i got up to more than 200 friends on myspace and i hated it. so i am going to be a snob and only use my facebook to commune with people i actually talk to. if i met you four years ago in some alley behind the albertsons next to my old house in san diego, and i haven't talked to you since - you don't stand a chance.
b) i'm on twitter.
c) my friends ethan, brian and taylor are also now on twitter. we all did it together. like a "blood brothers" kind of thing.
3) you'd think that spending a week in southern california would not include the highlights of joining two social networking "e-mmunities," but it is what it is. real highlights of the trip out west include:
a) good times with duane and amy. duane took me to some bar that featured at least four-dozen hand-crafted beers from across the nation and country. it was pretty much heaven. duane and amy have a backyard and their adorable little daughter plays in it for hours. i think they have a pretty good life.
b) game 6 of the stanley cup playoffs viewed from a suite. fights are the best part of hockey. the me lee that broke out at the end of the game was absolutely fantastic. the NHL has something here. all my dork friends out there play in some amateur hockey league and i have to admit that if i could ever learn to stand up straight on a pair of skates for longer than 3.5 seconds, i would love to play.
c) the taco guy is awesome.
d) heidi and i ate mexican food 6/7 days in california. i know, it should have been a perfect 7/7, but there were a thousand other places i wanted to eat at as well.
e) i am now officially on a diet/increased work-out routine as consequence for what i did to my body last week. i feel like i need to apologize:
dear body,
i'm sorry for the way i treated you last week. i know that you were excited about going to perfectly moderate weather and the possibility of swimming in pools and oceans. i know that you were tricked into thinking that california is a mecca for healthy eating options and that you would be treated well out there. i'm sorry that i crushed your ribs when i fell off the treadmill. i'm sorry for eating del taco at two in the morning. i'm sorry for eating four-five meals a day instead of the usual three. i'm sorry for the shots of tequila that i took at brian's party. you know i don't normally do that to you, and i'm truly thankful that you didn't punish me for my poor decisions. i apologize for going with the double-double rather than just the single at in-and-out... that was unnecessary. i'm sorry for putting you through "p90x," that was silly. i'm sorry about the booze. you deserve better.
sincerely,
justin
f) southern california is the promised land. there is no doubt about it and anybody who disagrees is an idiot.
4) i remembered today why i always run early in the morning. not only is it hot-as-hell in the afternoon, but you have to put up with stupid boys yelling things like "break a sweat," "work it," "run forest run" and "your dog is running faster than you" (i actually liked the last one). in my old age, i am getting less and less patient, especially with pubescent boys who are trying to convince misguided girls to make out with them. i'm getting to that point in my life where i just won't put up with it anymore. these kids are going to get a piece of my mind and i hope to make every one of them cry.
5) the hardest part of coming home from vacation is trying to catch up on all that i missed in the past week. i'm listening to 5-day old bill simmons podcasts and reading week-old articles about stuff that is already way-old news. i can't waste anymore time writing this blog because i have to update my twitter/facebook and check out what peter king wrote about five days ago.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
a-pplaud
alex rodriguez is screwed.
forget the fact that when i read the story the other day that i literally spit my coffee out on the computer because i learned that his teammates called him b**** t**s (that's how it was published on si.com and i think it's funnier with the asterisks). forget that he only tips 15% to the hard-working ladies at hooters (who goes to hooters anyway? i've never been to a hooters, and have no desire whatsoever to change that).
forget that mr. rodriguez had pictures taken of him kissing himself in a mirror. forget the names "a-fraud" and "a-roid." don't get caught up with the stories of late nights with strippers and hookers and the relationship with the skeleton of madonna that destroyed his marriage. forget the fact that alex can't buy a hit in a crucial moment and will most likely forever be remembered as a "choke artist."
no player/figure/celebrity has been hated as much and been so polarizing since... well i guess barry bonds (and spencer and heidi from the hills), which wasn't all that long ago. everybody has something negative to say about arod. and every little detail that comes out about this man is scrutinized and debated to death. everybody gets to have a little "ha-ha" about the latest public snafu this man must endure.
the second entry i ever posted here was about roger clemens, and i'm pretty sure the same critiques and comments apply here. i know that every non-sports fan will read a post like this and immediately dismiss it as silly and unimportant. maybe it is, but i'm going to talk about it anyway. (if you want to read something actually worthwhile, read my wife's latest post about the swine flu. she's brilliant and much more intelligent/witty/prolific than i).
the thing that i find so fascinating about a story like this is the colossal collapse of a human being. i'm not trying to be demeaning here... i'm really not. i don't feel sorry for arod. it's hard to feel sorry for a 250-millionaire who gets to play a game for his career. but i feel like i can "feel" arod, or that i can understand him, at least in some small measure.
what does a white, 29 year-old, social worker from kentucky have in common with a billionaire baseball player?
humanity.
more poignantly, that which is "most human" about humans.
i've been thinking a lot about idols lately. and how we all have/worship them.
i know what you're thinking: "idols? you mean like golden statues and weird shrines surrounded by incense?"
yeah... those idols, but also more.
whether you admit it or not (or even think about it) you've got idols. we all do. an idol is anything that you build your life on. an idol is anything that you place ultimate value on and in turn, will do anything to achieve/keep. an idol is whatever you worship.
now you are probably thinking: "worship? i don't go to church. this obviously doesn't apply."
that's not true. just as much as we all have idols, we all worship. worship is simply ascribing worth to something/someone. worship is enjoyment. worship is reflection.
some examples might help:
an idol might be: recognition, success, acceptance, admiration, comfort/security, fun, etc... notice that none of these things are bad. they're good things. idols can show up in the form of food and alcohol, fame, sex, relationships, money... again, notice that none of these things are bad.
but what happens when you spend your life pursuing these things? what happens when these things become ultimate to you? when you would do anything to get these things, and would do even more to keep them if there is threat of them being taken away.
i probably didn't explain all of that as well as i should, but let's return to alex rodriguez. it would appear that alex has some idols in his life. if he was in fact taking steroids as a teen, and giving opposing teams signs in order that they would hook him up when he needed some help, then it's obvious that this man would do anything to achieve success. fame. recognition. acceptance. wealth.
lot's of people are famous. many people are successful and recognized as great at whatever they do. but what will people do to attain this? how would you react if it was slipping away from you? barry bonds had this happen, but he didn't give a rip. he had his own idols, but "being liked" was not at the top of the list.
not arod. bill simmons and others have influenced me to believe that the thing arod cares about most is how he is perceived. alex wants to be liked. we all do, but he's obsessed. he can't handle the criticism, the public scathing. i'm sure alex thinks to himself, "what have i done wrong? why am i treated like this? i'm a good guy. i give to the community. i show up for work each day and do my job. i don't commit crimes. i don't punch kittens... why this scrutiny?"
a couple of months ago, the castle/kingdom that arod built was under serious attack. it was leaked that he took steroids. this was a big deal, and alex decided to "come clean" and admit to using certain illegal substances during a certain time frame a long time ago. he apologized. he tried to cry. he asked for forgiveness and looked sincere.
all the while he was still protecting his idol. he was still worshiping at the altar of recognition and likability. like a cornered animal, he did what he had to in order to survive. this included telling "some" truth, but not coming completely clean.
i don't know if the latest reports are true. i don't know if it matters. as i stated at the beginning of this dirge, i'm not so much interested in the "arod is a cheating drug user" story as i am in the "arod is a human" story.
think about your life for a moment (i know i don't usually go here in the blog, but let me be serious for a bit). what are the things you care most about? where do your thoughts go to when you have time think? what do you spend most of your time doing? where do you spend your money? how do you react when you are rejected? deceived? disappointed by another? when you fail at something?
what will you do to achieve success, however you define it? where do you turn when life gets rough? how do you handle it all?
i don't like to be too honest and transparent, especially in the form of a blog, but whatever, i'll let you in on a little secret.
i have my own idols. recognition. i love to be liked. i love the fact that people like me. i love it when i am praised for the work i do. i love it when heidi says "thank you" when i've done the dishes or whatever. i love to feel wanted/needed. i like it when my friends say, "wish you were here...," or "the only thing missing was you...."
i knew that this was something true about me, but when my expectations aren't met... when i don't get the recognition i feel i deserve... when i feel slighted in some way by another... i get angry. if i feel like it's slipping away, i get afraid.
toddlers throw tantrums. so does justin.
i like to be liked. i guess i'm just like alex in this respect. so perhaps that's why i'm thinking about this whole thing so much.
i don't like arod. i never have. and i don't like him for the same reasons as everyone else. it's absolutely silly. i don't know him, but i don't like him because he's rich, seemingly arrogant, way to self-absorbed. (i guess when i say that i don't like arod, i mean to say that i'm not a fan of him. i'm not a fan of U2, john travolta, brett favre and many others. it comes out as hatred or strong dislike, but in reality, i just don't appreciate what they do).
so i'm not a fan of arod.
but i'm a little like arod.
and if you're honest with yourself, so are you.
forget the fact that when i read the story the other day that i literally spit my coffee out on the computer because i learned that his teammates called him b**** t**s (that's how it was published on si.com and i think it's funnier with the asterisks). forget that he only tips 15% to the hard-working ladies at hooters (who goes to hooters anyway? i've never been to a hooters, and have no desire whatsoever to change that).
forget that mr. rodriguez had pictures taken of him kissing himself in a mirror. forget the names "a-fraud" and "a-roid." don't get caught up with the stories of late nights with strippers and hookers and the relationship with the skeleton of madonna that destroyed his marriage. forget the fact that alex can't buy a hit in a crucial moment and will most likely forever be remembered as a "choke artist."
no player/figure/celebrity has been hated as much and been so polarizing since... well i guess barry bonds (and spencer and heidi from the hills), which wasn't all that long ago. everybody has something negative to say about arod. and every little detail that comes out about this man is scrutinized and debated to death. everybody gets to have a little "ha-ha" about the latest public snafu this man must endure.
the second entry i ever posted here was about roger clemens, and i'm pretty sure the same critiques and comments apply here. i know that every non-sports fan will read a post like this and immediately dismiss it as silly and unimportant. maybe it is, but i'm going to talk about it anyway. (if you want to read something actually worthwhile, read my wife's latest post about the swine flu. she's brilliant and much more intelligent/witty/prolific than i).
the thing that i find so fascinating about a story like this is the colossal collapse of a human being. i'm not trying to be demeaning here... i'm really not. i don't feel sorry for arod. it's hard to feel sorry for a 250-millionaire who gets to play a game for his career. but i feel like i can "feel" arod, or that i can understand him, at least in some small measure.
what does a white, 29 year-old, social worker from kentucky have in common with a billionaire baseball player?
humanity.
more poignantly, that which is "most human" about humans.
i've been thinking a lot about idols lately. and how we all have/worship them.
i know what you're thinking: "idols? you mean like golden statues and weird shrines surrounded by incense?"
yeah... those idols, but also more.
whether you admit it or not (or even think about it) you've got idols. we all do. an idol is anything that you build your life on. an idol is anything that you place ultimate value on and in turn, will do anything to achieve/keep. an idol is whatever you worship.
now you are probably thinking: "worship? i don't go to church. this obviously doesn't apply."
that's not true. just as much as we all have idols, we all worship. worship is simply ascribing worth to something/someone. worship is enjoyment. worship is reflection.
some examples might help:
an idol might be: recognition, success, acceptance, admiration, comfort/security, fun, etc... notice that none of these things are bad. they're good things. idols can show up in the form of food and alcohol, fame, sex, relationships, money... again, notice that none of these things are bad.
but what happens when you spend your life pursuing these things? what happens when these things become ultimate to you? when you would do anything to get these things, and would do even more to keep them if there is threat of them being taken away.
i probably didn't explain all of that as well as i should, but let's return to alex rodriguez. it would appear that alex has some idols in his life. if he was in fact taking steroids as a teen, and giving opposing teams signs in order that they would hook him up when he needed some help, then it's obvious that this man would do anything to achieve success. fame. recognition. acceptance. wealth.
lot's of people are famous. many people are successful and recognized as great at whatever they do. but what will people do to attain this? how would you react if it was slipping away from you? barry bonds had this happen, but he didn't give a rip. he had his own idols, but "being liked" was not at the top of the list.
not arod. bill simmons and others have influenced me to believe that the thing arod cares about most is how he is perceived. alex wants to be liked. we all do, but he's obsessed. he can't handle the criticism, the public scathing. i'm sure alex thinks to himself, "what have i done wrong? why am i treated like this? i'm a good guy. i give to the community. i show up for work each day and do my job. i don't commit crimes. i don't punch kittens... why this scrutiny?"
a couple of months ago, the castle/kingdom that arod built was under serious attack. it was leaked that he took steroids. this was a big deal, and alex decided to "come clean" and admit to using certain illegal substances during a certain time frame a long time ago. he apologized. he tried to cry. he asked for forgiveness and looked sincere.
all the while he was still protecting his idol. he was still worshiping at the altar of recognition and likability. like a cornered animal, he did what he had to in order to survive. this included telling "some" truth, but not coming completely clean.
i don't know if the latest reports are true. i don't know if it matters. as i stated at the beginning of this dirge, i'm not so much interested in the "arod is a cheating drug user" story as i am in the "arod is a human" story.
think about your life for a moment (i know i don't usually go here in the blog, but let me be serious for a bit). what are the things you care most about? where do your thoughts go to when you have time think? what do you spend most of your time doing? where do you spend your money? how do you react when you are rejected? deceived? disappointed by another? when you fail at something?
what will you do to achieve success, however you define it? where do you turn when life gets rough? how do you handle it all?
i don't like to be too honest and transparent, especially in the form of a blog, but whatever, i'll let you in on a little secret.
i have my own idols. recognition. i love to be liked. i love the fact that people like me. i love it when i am praised for the work i do. i love it when heidi says "thank you" when i've done the dishes or whatever. i love to feel wanted/needed. i like it when my friends say, "wish you were here...," or "the only thing missing was you...."
i knew that this was something true about me, but when my expectations aren't met... when i don't get the recognition i feel i deserve... when i feel slighted in some way by another... i get angry. if i feel like it's slipping away, i get afraid.
toddlers throw tantrums. so does justin.
i like to be liked. i guess i'm just like alex in this respect. so perhaps that's why i'm thinking about this whole thing so much.
i don't like arod. i never have. and i don't like him for the same reasons as everyone else. it's absolutely silly. i don't know him, but i don't like him because he's rich, seemingly arrogant, way to self-absorbed. (i guess when i say that i don't like arod, i mean to say that i'm not a fan of him. i'm not a fan of U2, john travolta, brett favre and many others. it comes out as hatred or strong dislike, but in reality, i just don't appreciate what they do).
so i'm not a fan of arod.
but i'm a little like arod.
and if you're honest with yourself, so are you.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
to be young
i love it when my friends get all gay and gush over something that i've written. you guys are priceless.
i love it even more when other friends call out the friends who get carried away with comments by questioning their sexuality.
so this weekend's a pretty big deal. surprise birthday party for me. i can't wait to be surprised. i hope that, even though i know everything that is happening, i still get to walk into a place and have everyone yell "surprise!" i've always wanted that.
heidi almost gave it to me. you should have seen the look on her face when i found out what she was up to. you would have thought that i murdered her family and urinated on all the clothes in her closet. i felt awful. she's a sweet girl and doesn't deserve to ever be disappointed. EVER.
i spent some time on swings at a park today with one of my clients. as i swung back and forth i quickly became sick. motion sickness or something like that. i became nauseous from swinging on a swing! when i was a kid i would swing so high that the chains would lose tension as i reached the pinnacle and jolt my spine as tension returned. and today, while nonchalantly swaying back and forth i had to stop because i thought i might vomit. this is terrible. summer is coming, and my carnival-attending is going to be severely compromised due to this new weakness of my stomach - no zipper or gravitron for me. i used to get on those tire swings on the park and have my idiot friends spin me around until i couldn't feel my face, and upon dismounting i would attempt to run around and fall all over the place... those were good times. i don't want this to become another "i'm getting old and you should feel sorry for me" post, but i have to say that i am getting old and you should feel sorry for me. the following is a list of things that indicate that i am not the young man that i used to be.
+ when i was a kid i used to crawl in the mud and get all dirty and slimy. if i saw a snake, i grabbed it with my bare hands and held it up within a half inch of my face to see if i could feel it's forked tongue brush against my nose. fast forward to modern day and observe the following scene: i'm visiting another one of my clients who happens to have several large snakes in an aquarium. in his excitement to introduce his snakes to me, he grabs a three-foot specimen and hands it to me... like i'm going to grab that thing. i believe i took about 14 steps back and screamed "put that thing away!"
what did i think is going to happen? in that moment, i believe that i envisioned the snake slithering up my shirt and biting my nipple with it's poisonous fangs (it was not a poisonous snake) and never letting go. can you imagine a snake crawling up your shirt? it's a horrible thought. apply the same principal to all small animals that look at you with beady eyes: spiders, lizards, frogs, fish, squirrels and mice, etc...
+ i can't drink any more. i drink still - don't get me wrong. but if i have any more than two beers i spend the entire next day trying to exercise demons from my head. what is up with that? i've never been a big drinker, per se, and i've never drank to get intoxicated, but i can't handle my stuff any longer. last weekend we spent some time with friends on friday night, and all saturday my thighs (quadriceps) were burning and stinging. it was terrible i thought about taking myself to the emergency room after webmd.com informed me that i might, possibly, unlikely but probably, have blod clots in both of my legs. one of these blood clots could have broken loose and went straight to my heart, giving me a heart attack and probably killing me on the spot. i couldn't say if the leg pain was drinking-related, but i'm pretty sure it had something to do with being slightly dehydrated and unrested due to a night of sleep less than seven hours.
+ aches and pains are commonplace in everyday life. i have this strange pulled muscle pain in the back of my knee. it flares up throughout the day, especially after my morning run. my grandpa used to complain about pain.
+ when watching march madness last month, i constantly had to ask heidi, "what's the score in the upper left-hand corner?" and heidi would have to look up from whatever important thing she was doing to inform me that unc was beating gonzaga by 22 points. this happened about 26 times during the course of the tournament, and happens very often to this day. i miss being able to see things clearly,.. those were the days.
+ i can't remember anything. i've never been able to remember anything, so i guess this isn't as much as a sign of getting old, as it is memory dysfunction. i wonder if there is a medical diagnosis for how poor my memory is. perhaps i suffer from some rare memory-loss disease wherein i can't remember things that any normal person could recall with ease...
after typing that last paragraph, i realized that there is a little thing called amnesia. no joke. i have nothing else to say (and even if i did, i probably forgot because i was just distracted by a commercial for burger king featuring spongebob squarepants and a sir-mix-a-lot song. is that even real? is that appropriate?)
+ the office is on now. i can't concentrate on this anymore.
i think i've said enough.
i love it even more when other friends call out the friends who get carried away with comments by questioning their sexuality.
so this weekend's a pretty big deal. surprise birthday party for me. i can't wait to be surprised. i hope that, even though i know everything that is happening, i still get to walk into a place and have everyone yell "surprise!" i've always wanted that.
heidi almost gave it to me. you should have seen the look on her face when i found out what she was up to. you would have thought that i murdered her family and urinated on all the clothes in her closet. i felt awful. she's a sweet girl and doesn't deserve to ever be disappointed. EVER.
i spent some time on swings at a park today with one of my clients. as i swung back and forth i quickly became sick. motion sickness or something like that. i became nauseous from swinging on a swing! when i was a kid i would swing so high that the chains would lose tension as i reached the pinnacle and jolt my spine as tension returned. and today, while nonchalantly swaying back and forth i had to stop because i thought i might vomit. this is terrible. summer is coming, and my carnival-attending is going to be severely compromised due to this new weakness of my stomach - no zipper or gravitron for me. i used to get on those tire swings on the park and have my idiot friends spin me around until i couldn't feel my face, and upon dismounting i would attempt to run around and fall all over the place... those were good times. i don't want this to become another "i'm getting old and you should feel sorry for me" post, but i have to say that i am getting old and you should feel sorry for me. the following is a list of things that indicate that i am not the young man that i used to be.
+ when i was a kid i used to crawl in the mud and get all dirty and slimy. if i saw a snake, i grabbed it with my bare hands and held it up within a half inch of my face to see if i could feel it's forked tongue brush against my nose. fast forward to modern day and observe the following scene: i'm visiting another one of my clients who happens to have several large snakes in an aquarium. in his excitement to introduce his snakes to me, he grabs a three-foot specimen and hands it to me... like i'm going to grab that thing. i believe i took about 14 steps back and screamed "put that thing away!"
what did i think is going to happen? in that moment, i believe that i envisioned the snake slithering up my shirt and biting my nipple with it's poisonous fangs (it was not a poisonous snake) and never letting go. can you imagine a snake crawling up your shirt? it's a horrible thought. apply the same principal to all small animals that look at you with beady eyes: spiders, lizards, frogs, fish, squirrels and mice, etc...
+ i can't drink any more. i drink still - don't get me wrong. but if i have any more than two beers i spend the entire next day trying to exercise demons from my head. what is up with that? i've never been a big drinker, per se, and i've never drank to get intoxicated, but i can't handle my stuff any longer. last weekend we spent some time with friends on friday night, and all saturday my thighs (quadriceps) were burning and stinging. it was terrible i thought about taking myself to the emergency room after webmd.com informed me that i might, possibly, unlikely but probably, have blod clots in both of my legs. one of these blood clots could have broken loose and went straight to my heart, giving me a heart attack and probably killing me on the spot. i couldn't say if the leg pain was drinking-related, but i'm pretty sure it had something to do with being slightly dehydrated and unrested due to a night of sleep less than seven hours.
+ aches and pains are commonplace in everyday life. i have this strange pulled muscle pain in the back of my knee. it flares up throughout the day, especially after my morning run. my grandpa used to complain about pain.
+ when watching march madness last month, i constantly had to ask heidi, "what's the score in the upper left-hand corner?" and heidi would have to look up from whatever important thing she was doing to inform me that unc was beating gonzaga by 22 points. this happened about 26 times during the course of the tournament, and happens very often to this day. i miss being able to see things clearly,.. those were the days.
+ i can't remember anything. i've never been able to remember anything, so i guess this isn't as much as a sign of getting old, as it is memory dysfunction. i wonder if there is a medical diagnosis for how poor my memory is. perhaps i suffer from some rare memory-loss disease wherein i can't remember things that any normal person could recall with ease...
after typing that last paragraph, i realized that there is a little thing called amnesia. no joke. i have nothing else to say (and even if i did, i probably forgot because i was just distracted by a commercial for burger king featuring spongebob squarepants and a sir-mix-a-lot song. is that even real? is that appropriate?)
+ the office is on now. i can't concentrate on this anymore.
i think i've said enough.
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